Mad World

Again it would seem significant changes are on the horizon, and as par for the course thus far, they are unexpected. I had mentioned in the last post that I would have to move out before June, but I was expecting something along the lines of March or April, not three weeks from now. Earlier this week I gave my notice at the Aquarium, as I can no longer afford to stay. My paycheck for these past two weeks was $382. I received a loan bill of $536 today. Clearly this just will not work out financially. It has been an extremely bitter pill to swallow. (Jagged little pill, perhaps?)

I feel that the past handful of years has been somewhat tumultuous, and that in the past one or two I have been repeatedly in situations requiring me to swallow a hefty amount of pride. I often quipped that college was "ruining my life," never really believing it but just saying it in jest. Now, however, I am beginning to wonder if that truly is the case. Maybe it's the timing of graduation in relation to the economic crisis, maybe it was my choice of career, maybe it was the use of loans for food, rent, and travel instead of just tuition. Whichever it may be, here I am at 25 preparing to move back in with my parents for the first time in four years.

On one hand, I am quite happy to leave this job. It's too early to say whether or not it has been the worst I've had, but it has to be close. I started in February, taking and selling tourist photographs. At first I was excited, as this was a job that CJ and I had always talked about doing at Disney World. On our first day, our manager and the guy in charge of the aquarium talked up the tight-knit staff, and I was looking forward to building some friendships and meeting new people. To this day there are people I have worked with for ten months who still barely acknowledge me after a simple greeting. Shortly after starting, the downfalls of a sales job began nagging at me. The exceptional rudeness of guests was stunning. Although it is disconcerting, I can understand that some people will flat out ignore us, I'm used to it now. I still don't get how people can treat someone like crap, curse them out, etc. just for doing their jobs. Believe me, if you see people trying to sell you something, I'm sure 99% of them would rather be doing something more worthwhile with their lives.

Unfortunately, as we as a staff began to become accustomed to this type of treatment, the staff itself began to turn a little ugly. Several employees began jockeying for a nonexistent number two position within the department. A few employees at different times would claim that they were on the verge of being promoted and would use this to try and run things. So you could imagine their reaction when I actually was promoted. The things I would tell friends from home, family, or Abby about the behavior of my coworkers were unbelievable. It was like running a day care. On the plus side, I hoped to use my promotion to iron out all of the problems we were having, and things were promising.

One month had passed since being promoted and I still hadn't received any indication of what this promotion entailed, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. With the permission of my superiors, I wrote a detailed handbook of rules and guidelines for the department. I developed a three-day training program for new employees to adequately prepare them to become a successful member of our staff. I assisted with payroll and various administrative duties in addition to continuing to work on the floor with the rest of our staff. I began to sit in on interviews and became involved in decisions about who would be a successful hire. On the other hand, I also began to aid in weeding out some of the individuals who were a detriment to the success of our business. There were times in which an employees job was in danger and I would do what I could to save it. I was told and it was announced to our staff that I would basically serve as the "bad cop," or sort of disciplinarian, for our immediate supervisor. I would have the ability to handle write ups, terminations, and things of that nature. I believe that it is safe to say that in that time, our attendance problems disappeared, elongated breaks ended, and the staff as a whole performed better.

Soon after, I also began making the weekly schedules for the department. By this time, the major problem within the department became apparent. Gossip had become a significant issue to a degree that I have never before seen whether in a work, school, or social environment. Nearly every employee would have a complaint or disparaging remark for another, often me. Nearly every comment would make its way back to me, as those doing the complaining would frequently rat each other out. It was embarrassing and unprofessional, and I couldn't do a thing about it. All of the talk of me being a part of management and laying down the law was little more than just talk. I had no support from any other supervisor, and it showed. With no one showing any interest in enacting any sort of concrete policies or procedures, the structure that had built up fizzled out within three months. Since then, my so-called promotion has meant nothing more than wearing a different shirt than the staff and making one extra dollar an hour. It got to the point where in the past month someone who's job I helped keep said straight to my face that there was no point in my being a manager since I didn't do anything. It was frustrating to know that all of my work had gone unnoticed.

That was a bit more long-winded than anticipated, but I think it illustrates my frustrations that carried over from my last year at college. Along with that add on the constant battles with banks, loan companies, and collection agencies, and I'm at the end of my rope. I still can not understand how I can make roughly $10,000 a year and Sallie Mae can tell me I'm not eligible to defer or postpone payments that add up to about half of that amount. For example, today's situation. I have $300 in my bank account, and they are charging me $536. What do they expect me to do?

So now, I am moving back in with my parents. I absolutely hate the fact that I have to leave Abby here. I know she doesn't like Myrtle Beach, and I feel like crap that I'm going to cut and run. It's been tearing at me for the past couple of months, but I feel like I am out of options. I hate that I have to return home with my tail between my legs after failing one year out of college. Although I knew I'd have it rough financially after graduation, I never expected this. I can only hope that things start to turn around for me once I'm back in the North, and I can start building up a significant savings, and eventually Abby and I can find a nice place together somewhere we both like.

In more pleasant news, I decorated the apartment for Christmas today. The company Christmas party is this Thursday at the House of Blues, and that should be fun. I would really, really love to enjoy my last three weeks here as much as possible, and have a good time with the handful of friends I've made. On that note, sorry for the Debbie Downer post (meow, meow, meow) and I should have a more upbeat update come Christmas. Peace.